6 People Yuh MUS’ Meet at Work

1. The Top Boss(es)

Usually the nice ones. Unexpected warm personalities with an eagerness to help resolve all your problems, all a click away from their having-access-to-everything screen. Their offices always seem to be way too big for the simple tasks they do but you resolve that a big office is just a necessary match to their egos (if they have one). Their only purpose (it waah look like) stretches nowhere beyond scribbling an authorizing signature when you need it, writing vacation dates down in those expensive company branded journals and talking on the phone all day. Long story short, you never see them unless you go into their offices. And you might not even be worthy enough to ride the elevator up to their floor.

2. Those who have ACTUAL power

Aka VPs, Assistant Managers and the like. For some reason, the power that these people have is greater than the top bosses because they’re overseers. They get wishlists from the top bosses, and to keep them happy-go-lucky & unawares of any glitch in the system (think, the Dai Li of Ba Sing Se in Avatar: The Last Airbender – yes, I LOVE that cartoon). They give you too much work and impossible deadlines, pressure you and then call you out for buckling. Or at least they try to until they meet that one subordinate with a fiery tongue who just nah tek fi dem s*&t.

The ones with power insist that you address them strictly as “Sir” or “Ma’am” if your mouth isn’t full with “Mr/Mrs So & So”. If male, they are almost always dressed in jackets (even on a Friday) and suits so sharply pressed, the crease lines cut slice a cake. If female, they most likely break all the dress codes by wearing the same forbidden brightly coloured mini dresses, every piece of jewelry in the box, sky-scraper heels and shockingly bright hair colour. These people don’t take suggestions or corrections. Them quick fi blame & slouchy wid delivering apologies (if them plan fi gi yuh).

3. Those who have a Foot in the Circle of Power

Meet the hyenas of the Pride Lands. They do the dirty work of keeping their ears to the cubicle walls & relaying ‘controversial’ info to the overseers in exchange for meager employee benefits. And by info, we’re talking who a look fi mek a move pon di boss, who a f%$k who, who hate the job & wah lef’, the list goes on. They’re usually the ones who underperform yet always somehow get 1st preference when things a give out, & you can never understand how. The only thing is that while they always know when fi pop up and sabotage everything you try to be promoted, they won’t have the opportunity either because the gossip guy/girl is only good for gossip.

4. The Chirpy Ones

These people love their jobs no matter what. They know how to deal with top bosses, overseers, gossipers and customers alike. They never seem flustered or stressed in the face of fast approaching deadlines. They can juggle back-to-back phone calls, meetings & be responding to emails and not blink. When you 1st meet them, they appear too good to be true or even real, but over time you’ll make excuses for them in your head. Oh that one’s low-key crazy, let’s not upset her – everyone knows this. Oh he’s the CEO’s nephew, money already inna di family so him nuh haffi worry.

5. Me

You’ll be me in 4 weeks. You done mek up your mind seh anything goes if this is what the system is. If bossy wah fire you, so let it be because as far as you know, you’re 21st century & you neva come fi mek babylon stress you. Mek dem dweet. You neva spen’ how much years at university & haffi repay SLB fi this. What is this?

This person is usually afrocentric, part of the natural hair community or the loc nation, forward-thinking & ever have a controversial statement ready.

OR I could be completely wrong and you’re the opposite. Are you? Let me know in the comments below.

 

 

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