You know we really have some audacities that I cah understand. Like, there are some things we do as human beings that when you check it out, I really have to wonder why we think we have the right to do them and who we think we really are to assume we’re worthy of claiming things to ourselves?
One of them is love. You know how serious claiming another human being to yourself is? That’s a whole other body separate from yours, and you’re asking – better yet, telling the owner of that body to submit it to you to do to it as you please. To trust you and get over the worry that you might sabotage it physically and emotionally. That’s a BIG responsibility enuh. I mean where do we get the audacity to believe we have a right to someone, to influence their decisions, and altogether change the course of where they planned their lives to go by fusing it with ours? And if it doesn’t work out, how dare we simply cut ourselves out of the picture and leave them in the wilderness to figure out on their own where to go next? That’s selfish.
And then there’s the audacity of critiquing things. I’m one for owning your opinions and saying they count no matter how immoral they may be (because even the immoral thoughts can teach us somethings about this life), but at the same time, why should we feel we have a right to potentially hurting others JUST because we have a right to our opinions? (I’d love to hear your thoughts on this in the comments.)
But there’s another type of audacity that is closer to me because it is something I want to be, probably already am, but not really sure what it means to define the self using technical terms, and why calling yourself a word that describes your profession or skill is important. For me, that’s identifying as a ‘writer/poet’. I have this weird idea that you have to be real audacious to call yourself that unless you’re extremely good at your craft, but that stance alone has so many issues internally. One of those issues is the question of what makes any material good, by whose standards and why, who gave that person the authority/final say (etc, etc)? The same goes for calling yourself a musician or whatever. But that’s really something that’s deep rooted in my insecurities, because I do write poems, I’ve written this and many other blog posts, essays, stories, the works. But that doesn’t make me a special, set-aside being who can claim the title of writer/poet. We all write something and we all have the potential to write, so why do I need to declare that this is what I am because I do it too?
I guess from this you can gauge that I do a lot of overthinking and probably on unnecessary subject matters too but sometimes it’s good to question the way we move through life and the things we do. Tell me what you think.