Seeing Your Ex in Public for the 1st [& hopefully, last] Time


[whispering] You can’t run and hide. That’s rude! Especially if they spotted you and interrupted your half-turn-and-bolt. It’d be a little bit obvious what you’re doing if you go through with it.

So we all [by now] have exes, or maybe someone who wished they were at least our boyfriends/girlfriends in the 1st place… and some of them might not be so hard to shake.

I’ve been in a situation where one ex would spot me from across the very busy road, dart through traffic and flash around the corners I’ve already taken just to startle me by jumping in front of me suddenly, panting and sweating, just to say “Hi. [puts up a finger to indicate he’s taking a breather] How– Wher— [wheezes] Wassup?” And he works across the street from where I live, at the plaza that I shop at the most, so you know I have to be watching my back every time I go over there. Once when I was on my way to the bus stop, I realized that the guy sauntering [with an exaggerated step] before me as if every girl was going to rush over screaming, was him. I literally had to make a sudden turn and wait a good 10mins before continuing on my journey. I was not about to risk him looking back [which he does often] and seeing me. Nope!

The sad reality is that we’ve been broken up for 6 years now. And I’m sure I was clear at the time that it really wasn’t going to work out. I wanted to focus on school. Plus he was too much about the hype surrounding his maturing voice and an even quicker maturing body – I wasn’t. I just wanted to graduate. I don’t recall his reaction, but I do know that once I moved on, his bugging me every second about my ‘love life’ started up, and it seemed to have never ended.

The ex that followed him was [and still is] comparatively worse. At least with ex #1, I’d only have to worry when I came into the vicinity of where he works. With ex #2? This nigga was about to exhaust every method of communication possible.

After an incident in which I had to stand up and protect both of us [keep in mind that I was very small in comparison to him, plus he was captain of our school’s cadet, a prefect, a member of his community’s police officer club] I decided it was better I sever ties. In retrospect, I actually never confronted him about breaking up – I just stopped talking to him. Pretended I didn’t hear his voice when he spoke to me. Imagined I could see through him when he walked by. [I was that upset]. There were also lots of other contributing factors that indicated this relationship was going nowhere.

But that never phased a brutha though!

He was sure to volunteer to help with any responsibilities I had in respect to the prefect body. Texted me in class. Texted me during lunch time. When that failed, he started calling my mother’s phone. After she got tired of telling him that I was either sleeping/ in the bathroom/ not at home, he went quiet. We graduated. I moved on to university, safe in the knowledge that I wouldn’t be bothered again… Until he started asking every friend who I kept in touch with to relay his desire to talk to me. When those friends noticed I was ignoring the message, he resorted to emailing me.

Sometimes you get so tired of all the bugging that you become totally oblivious to these things. So whatever emails didn’t pertain to work, I immediately spammed them. It was getting a little out of hand.

I completed a whole year at UWI and geared up the face the 2nd one with a little less fear than the 1st. What I wasn’t prepared to face was seeing ex #2 strolling in and out of the same faculty that I was in. It was helpful to already know the shortcuts I could take to avoid confronting him. Nevertheless, the whole cycle has restarted, but I’m staying secure in the knowledge that this is my last year and I won’t even be spending half of it on the Mona campus.

Sad to say though, I think his stalker tendencies have rubbed off on me somewhat. But that’s why it’s always best to have good books nearby. I get distracted easily, so once I have one of those, you’d stop hearing from me soon enough.

It becomes a whole other game though when you had sexual relations with an ex. How do really bear seeing your ex for the first time and having to confront him/her in public without showing signs of hurt? How do you look at her/him without seeing that body – naked and intertwined with yours? Thankfully I haven’t reached that level yet so I don’t know the answers. 

What to do?

Don’t be like me. The best thing to do is to face that person in a way that indicates that you’ve moved on, but without rubbing salt in their scars. If you can’t handle it, try to calm down. Find your happy place. There may be instances in which you have to talk to him/her, and you don’t want to stutter when you do. People will think you’re weird don’t know what’s going on.

You might also want to ensure that you two make a clean cut when going separate ways. Explain and listen to the reasons why it just can’t work anymore. Give each other closure. Closure is the best way to shut the door in his/her face without offense. Giving that person a chance at closure is the nicest way to get across that you’re sorry, but you’re just not that into him/her anymore.

If that doesn’t work, then sad to say, you’re on your own ma brutha!


2 Replies to “Seeing Your Ex in Public for the 1st [& hopefully, last] Time”

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